Future Husband, It’s Our Year

Dear Future Husband,
Unbeknown to you, you are often the topic of conversation in my life…shocker. I don’t MEAN to talk about you, it just kind of happens…especially with my girlfriends. And my mother. And my mother’s girlfriends. And my girlfriends’ mothers. You get the picture. Everyone wants to know who are you. And more importantly, WHERE YOU ARE.

Anyway, my very encouraging friend and I were conversing at Chick-fil-A over lunch the other day.

Side note: I have a slight obsession with the Chick. The lady at the drive thru window, miiiight know my name. And miiiight know that I ALWAYS order a large unsweet iced tea with a splash of sweet. And miiiight see me regularly enough to notice – and comment – every single time I trim my hair.
Double side note: If the lady at the Chick drive thru window knows how I drink my iced tea and notices when I change my hair, you better also…I DO plan to see you more regularly than I see her…at least I hope…

Anyway AGAIN, my very encouraging friend and I were conversing at Chick-fil-A over lunch the other day.

We first talked about her ACTUAL husband and then starting talking about you. It was a nice conversation. I surprisingly felt encouraged, and the convo did not end in me becoming a nun this time. Phew.

As we were walking out, she looked at me and said, “Ima, I have a feeling that 2017 is going to be YOUR year. I think he’s coming soon.”

To which I replied, “Haha, yes. I hope so. But then again, that’s what everyone said to me LAST year.”

WITHOUT HESITATION or SKIPPING A BEAT, my very encouraging friend very confidently and emphatically responded with:

“Nah. I didn’t feel that way for you last year.”

BIG. TIME. PAUSE.

I needed clarification.

So, I looked at my very encouraging friend and asked, “You mean to tell me that every single time you’ve audibly encouraged me in the past 12 months by saying ‘Your time is coming soon,’ you immediately followed up said encouragement with the silent thought, ‘But it sure as heck ain’t happening THIS year!’ ?!?!?!?”

To which she replied, “I’m going to read about this in your blog, huh?”

Yep.

PS. There is still a couple of days left in 2016. By all means, feel free to prove her wrong.
PSS. I still love my very encouraging friend…you will too.

Xoxo,
Ima Waitin

Future Husband, It’s Our Year

Future Husband, I Have A New Ritual

Dear Future Husband,
I know that we will have plenty of time to make this decision together, but I want you to know that my mind is made up: we will not be taking a cruise for our honeymoon.

Don’t get me wrong, cruises are absolutely wonderful. My livelihood currently depends on that fact. But, seeing as I am employed by a cruise line, I would prefer to do something else…I sail enough as it is.

Now, being a somewhat frequent cruiser, I have developed a few ship rituals:
1. Remove extra hangers from closet on the first night to avoid unnecessary noises (hangers tend to move with the movement of the ship, and you know how I feel about unnecessary noises).
2. Eat AT LEAST one soft serve ice cream cone each day.
3. Always enjoy/be aware of the view from one’s stateroom porthole or verandah.

During a recent sailing, I had a stateroom with a porthole. One morning, while the ship was docked at port, I completed ritual number three before getting ready: I looked out the window to assess the scene outside. On this particular morning, I had a beautiful view of the ocean – no boats, ships, barges or souls in sight. PERFECT.

So, naturally, I flung the curtains open and began getting ready. Since I had pre-established that there was no one outside with a direct line of sight into my room, I did not find it necessary to fully clothe myself whilst drying my hair.

BIG. MISTAKE.

Apparently, the crew had decided that this morning was THE PERFECT morning to, you guessed it, WASH THE WINDOWS. And they forgot to tell me.

So, here I am, singing my heart out, drying my hair, and I’ll be honest – probably doing some type of interpretive dance – when I hear this odd screeching sound. I turned JUST IN TIME to see a yellow jumpsuit wearing gentleman on a scaffold very slowly slide by my window.

NEVER have I hit the ground faster in my life. I then proceeded to wrap myself in the curtains for what felt like an hour while my heart beat returned to normal. AWK-WARD. Needless to say, I was understandably VERY reluctant to make eye contact with anyone donning yellow for the rest of the day.

And now, I have added a fourth ritual: regardless of scene outside, wear clothing and limit interpretive dancing if stateroom curtains are open.

PS. Wherever we honeymoon, we WILL be asking for the window-washing schedule.

xoxo,
Ima Waitin

Future Husband, I Have A New Ritual