Future Husband, It Was Meant To Be Encouraging

Dear Future Husband,
Most of my very best friends (or those who have seen me through stressful life seasons) will want to warn you of my laughing/sobbing attacks. Though few and far between, I never know when one will occur. But once one starts, there’s no stopping it. Something – usually pretty innocent and not very funny at all – will trigger the laughter. Then, the laughter turns into crying. Then the crying turns into sobbing (massive tears and heaves and all). Then the sobbing turns back into laughter. And then it stops. And the world is lovely again.

I had one of these episodes last week.

You see, I woke up last Friday morning to a text message from my dear (married) friend who also happens to be a coworker. She had recently read an article and believed it would be encouraging to my single self. In her own words, “Thought of you when I read this…and yes I know you’re not Catholic! ;)”

The Catholic part is important because the article author was a blogger for a Catholic dating site, and the opening line read, “I left my job at CatholicMatch because I fell in love.”

Since I literally wake up 15-30 minutes before I walk out the door on any given day, I didn’t have time to read anything that morning. But, I made a mental note to read the article before the end of the work day so that I could thank my friend in person for sending me such thoughtful encouragement. So, later that afternoon, I sat in her office and began reading. I soon began nodding my head in agreement with most everything this OBVIOUSLY awesome girl had to say.

She was recently single. She joined the dating sites. She hated the dating sites. She started blogging about hating the dating the sites (and was then offered the blogging job). In my head I was saying, “Yes, GIRL!” and “I TOTALLY agree!” and “Right with ya, sister!”

I was half way through reading when my coworker had to step out of her office for a minute. When she came back, I was transitioning from the laughing to sobbing stage of the episodes I told you about. She IMMEDIATELY panicked, asked what was wrong and admitted she had only read half of the article. To which I replied, “OBVIOUSLY.”

I handed her my phone and showed her where to begin reading. I knew THE MINUTE she understood because she, too, literally LOLed.

The blogger – this amazing single woman – who reminded my friend of ME – DID, in fact, find the love of her life.

His name was Jesus, and she became a nun.

My “Right with ya, sister!” quickly turned into “NOT with ya, Sister!” And my friend, between laughs, apologized profusely.

As a Christian, I’m already the bride of Christ. I just hope to ALSO be the bride of a man. Because, babies.

PS. Thank goodness I’m not Catholic. Otherwise, I’d have to worry that my friend (or God) was trying to tell me something…phew.

Xoxo,
Ima Waitin

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Future Husband, It Was Meant To Be Encouraging

Future Husband, I Hope You Have Friends

Dear Future Husband,
At last count, I have been a bridesmaid four times and Maid of Honor twice. That’s SIX times I’ve walked down the aisle in a wedding that was not my own. And, I’m quite certain the aisle and I will meet again…a few more times. FINGERS CROSSED, I’ll be in white for one of those rendezvous.

I’m not complaining here. I like having friends. And I like having friends who like me. And I like having friends who are likable enough to get married. And I like that my friends like me enough to request my presence in their weddings. And, I would LIKE to return the favor.

But, alas, what I would REALLY like is for YOU to be well-liked.

I need to you to have friends, because, if nothing else, I need those friends to translate into groomsmen. Otherwise, your poor best man (you will have at least one…that is a requirement) is going to have to wear tennis shoes to avoid accruing blisters from personally escorting each of my girls down the aisle.

You see, I’ve gone through several life stages. And I’ve made amazing friends in each stage WITHOUT losing touch with prior stage besties. Call me obnoxious, but I’m well on my way to a double-digit wedding party…on my side alone. And I. Don’t. Care. So what if our guests roll their eyes because they have to sit through the longest processional ever? I’ve been waiting for 30+ years (and counting), so they can deal. We’ll just have to make sure the reception is worth the wait.

PS. IF you only have one friend, he’s going to look like a pimp in our wedding photos and inevitably upstage you…start making friends now.
PSS. I joined Junior League last year which means I have 700 ADDITIONAL potential bridesmaids…let that sink in.

Xoxo,
Ima Waitin

Future Husband, I Hope You Have Friends

Future Husband, I’m Allergic

Dear Future Husband,
I’m playing with the idea of getting a puppy. Thoughts? I mean, I really want one. But, I have a few concerns. Besides the obvious “it costs money, it requires time and attention, it will make me actually get up early on the weekends and it will most likely destroy AT LEAST one piece of my very expensive furniture” reasons, I’m also considering the following:

What if you don’t like dogs?
What if you already HAVE a dog?
What if you already HAVE a dog AND your dog doesn’t like my dog?
What if my dog keeps me from going on dates with you because I have to go home to let it out first?
What if we can’t take spur-of-the-moment trips because I have no one to watch my dog?
What if you are *GASP* a cat person?
What if you are – HEAVEN FORBID – a cat person who actually has a cat?!

You see, I want a puppy because you’re not yet in my life. But I can’t get a puppy because you’re not yet in my life.

Sigh. Being considerate is a curse. A curse that is currently keeping my carpets puppy pee free, but a curse all the same.

PS. In the unfortunate circumstance that you have a cat, it will have to go. I’m allergic.

Xoxo,
Ima Waitin

Future Husband, I’m Allergic