Future Husband, It Went Kerplunk

Dear Future Husband,
Something AMAZING happened today.

The day didn’t start out very special. My alarm went off, and I did what I do FIRST THING every morning when I wake up: I immediately took a nap. Some people call it “snoozing,” but snoozing for 30 minutes sounds lazy…napping for 30 minutes, on the other hand, sounds insanely satisfying. Don’t you agree?

If you’re one of those annoyingly perky morning people who NEVER hits snooze, we can talk about my am napping habits once we’re married and co-habitating. Until that time, please reserve and withhold any and all comments. Thank you.

Anyway, morning rituals continued…shower, apply deodorant, brush teeth, fix hair, put on makeup, make ICED coffee, grab lunch from fridge and head to work. Nothing abnormal or exciting.

But then THIS happened: I went to the restroom.

Don’t get your panties in a twist (hehe)…I’m not going to give details. But the visit was a bit special.

PAUSE! You should know that I put my cell phone in my back pocket when I’m not sitting at my desk. UNPAUSE!

Well, at that moment, I forgot that my phone was in my back pocket, and it – YEP – went KERPLUNK in the toilet. NOOOOOO!!!! Like COMPLETELY submerged. It even made a splashing sound.

The first thought that went through my head was, “CRAP!” quickly followed by “THANK HEAVENS the kerplunking happened BEFORE…well…you know before what.” (I didn’t feel AS gross fishing it out.)

The next thought that went through my head was, “What story am I going to make up to tell the AT&T guy why I need a new phone?”

But then, a miracle happened! I pressed the button, and my phone lit up. I opened an app, and the app opened. I made a phone call, and someone picked up! WHAT!?

And then came the revelation: I have the ONE AND ONLY waterproof iPhone in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD!

Surely this remarkable iPhone was specifically crafted for some incredibly important and handsome super hero, right?! (…hint hint…Oliver Queen…”) And, this phone is his key to staying connected while he saves the world. AND at ANY minute, he could realize that there was an iPhone mixup and set off on his quest to find me and retrieve said iPhone…only to fall madly in love with me the minute our eyes meet. And then we get married and I become Mrs. Queen, and we live happily ever after…

…wait…I’m vaguely remembering a similar story occurring in the dream from my nap this morning. And my aspirations for marrying the Arrow go KERPLUNK down the toilet once again.

PS. The kerplunk and working iPhone parts are 100% true.
PSS. I OBVIOUSLY cleaned my phone and phone case. I might be a napper, but I have my standards.

Ima Waitin

Future Husband, It Went Kerplunk

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