Future Husband, You Can Unload

Dear Future Husband,
There are some things in this world that I REALLY care about. Please see below:

Care Thing Number 1: Grammar
Now, I know I take a few creative grammatical liberties in these letters, but DO NOT let that fool you. I am HIGHLY passionate about the proper use of the objective and nominative cases. Slept through your freshman year English class? Let me explain:

In our future house, we will not have one single picture of you and I. Why? Because our future house will be FILLED with pictures of you and ME. And, if you don’t want the technical grammar lesson of why it’s correct to say “me” instead of “I,” (It’s because “of” is a preposition and “me” is the OBJECT of the preposition. And the OBJECT of the preposition takes the…duh…objective case. And, of the personal pronouns, “I” is considered nominative and “me” is an objective pronoun) then just say it right the first time.

Care Thing Number 2: Proper Loading of the Dishwasher
Yes. There is a RIGHT way to load a dishwasher and many VERY WRONG ways to do so. My way is the right way. Plates go on the bottom (in descending order of size…largest plate near the edge, smallest towards the middle); cups live on the top. And, World War III MIGHT break out if you put a pot ON TOP of a plate or a cup. Yes, it may technically “fit,” but you would be wrong. Pending the size and setup of our future dishwasher, we will determine where the bowls go (but I’m sure I will have an opinion).

Care Thing Number 3: Unnecessary Noises
By now, you should already know this about me. But it is SO worth repeating. For a refresher, check out “Future Husband, I think You Might Be Cursed.” Thanks.

Contrary to what you MIGHT be thinking, I am NOT OCD. I’m actually very easy going. Just don’t smack your gum while improperly loading the dishwasher and simultaneously butchering the English language. Other than that, we’ll be just fine.

PS. Actually, how about I just go ahead and load the dishwasher? You can unload.

Ima Waitin

Future Husband, You Can Unload

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