Future Husband, COMPETITION ON!

Dear Future Husband,
The problem with being single in your 30’s is that EVERY SINGLE ONE of your friends is already married. Now, I know it’s not a competition and all, but that doesn’t stop that annoying Seasme Street “One of These Things is NOT Like the Other” song from continuously running through my head.

But here’s the REAL problem: THERE IS NO ONE LEFT TO CATCH MY BOUQUET. Trivial right? Wrong.

Every girl deserves the chance to hang a clump of impeccably arranged flowers over their best friends’ heads and internally chant, “Dance for me, my puppets…DANCE!” But, with me, only Sheesa is left. And, let’s be honest, she heard the “DANCE FOR ME” order plenty enough during our high school days on the dance team when I, as captain, bossed her freshman butt around. I think I’ll spare her on my day of jubilee.

But tradition WILL live on, dear future husband. There WILL be a bouquet toss. You know that moment when the bride turns and hands the bouquet to the maid of honor after walking down the aisle? (Yeah, you prob DON’T know, but just say you do). Welp, drumroll please…that was it. I hope she caught it.

PS. How do you feel about playing “All the Single Ladies” for 2.5 seconds at the altar as I “toss” the bouquet to Sheesa?

PSS. We better get married before Sheesa does. Otherwise, I’m screwed. COMPETITION ON!

Ima Waitin
Future Husband, COMPETITION ON!

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